Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Brighten My Heart

my heart is as dark as the soil sodden with winter rains
my soul is as heavy as the peat freshly dug from the bog
my thoughts swirl like willow branches caught in autumn winds
my body is as tense as a cat's as it stalks its prey

my heart is as dark as the soil sodden with winter rains
(Lord, brighten my heart)
my soul is as heavy as the peat freshly dug from the bog
(Lord, lighten my soul)
my thoughts swirl like willow branches caught in autumn winds
(Lord, still my thoughts)
my body is as tense as a cat's as it stalks its prey
(Lord relax my body)

help me open my heart to You,

help me open my heart to You, Oh Jesus
it's what I long to do

                   Brighten My Heart
                   Sixpence None The Richer

 i found this on Pinterest and i wish i knew who to credit. . . because i LOVE it
and it is often what i need to remember.

a few pages from my sketch books of late
soon  Lord willing to be available as prints. . .. .i would say they are. . 
but as usual i am experiencing technical difficulties along with sheer lack of TIME
. . . but someday. . . 

these will be prints. 
and they will be . . . adorable.


annnnnnnd. . . back to the full tilt painting / scraping / muding/ patching / 
renovations of our olde girl of a house. . . 

which took a few beatings along with us all this winter but is no worse for wear
. .. .we hope.

i cannot WAIT for the green green grass and mud and dirt and warm days

oh Gardening. . . how i MISS you.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

after a somewhat traumatizing 
yet B L E S S E D last few months
i feel once again able to at least try to 
keep up with this little photo journaling of sorts.

the seasons of life just kind of sneak up
on me all of a sudden sometimes.

 My chickens are officially NOT. .. snow birds.

we watch the turkeys come and go
they make us happy
there's something so wonderful about seeing wild 
critters right outside your window every day.
Co-existing . . ish.. . 

 ah yes. . . . 

 . . . . laundry. 
 i actually love it.. .
the worn. . ness of the most loved
pieces that have been washed so many hundreds of times.

every now and then the piles look especially beautiful. 

it's the little things.

 Thank you for the random care packages 
during the darker days. . . you know who you are
miss windmill cookies.

it is good . . to take care of each other. 
but the operative word . . is CARE.
caring is often not what we even want to do. . . but 
when we are the ones who need help we so wish we
had someone who cared . . about us.
and at that point. . all that really matters. . is that someone
took the time, spent a little money, made a meal for, 
came over and just sat with. . .


 still settling into the new digs.  
it will be a while yet before this feels as like home as our 
last place .. . but it's growing on us.

 i recently had back surgery after 6 months of being in terrible pain. . and i after all 
was said and done but in not so few words and much more
experiencing the actual test of the human will and spirit. . . 

i am thankful to be able to walk. . . 

in pain or not pain.

i did get to the point where i was able to push through . . and still do everything
i felt i had to do that day/hour/minute . .
and let go of a thousand things i realized i did NOT have to do. ( which turned out to be
the more important lesson in my case ) 
but know this. . 
the human spirit is not easily broken. .. . and for that. . 

i thank God. . who kept me.
and allowed me to keep walking.

 when in doubt.
i bake.
it always makes everyone around me
very happy.

Monday, November 25, 2013

P U S H through . ... .. whilst carrying. . . whilst in tears. there is Joy on the other side.

Many things
have happened in the last five months
both happy and sad

We sold our Beloved Home of 10 happy years
We were blessed to stay with Beloved family for a short while
We found another beautiful home. .. but it doesn't feel 
like we are Home yet. 
We brought our dear little sons and critters along for a wild ride. . . . 
and we lost our dear sweet wild cat maggs of almost 10 years.. . 
who we guess .. lost a good fight with a fox or coyote 
 ( i guess she wasn't wild after all. . . only in city terms ) 

but we miss her very much. .
and are heart and homesick often still . . 
 while having to keep on working very hard every day and night to take a very olde 
house . . . 1757 . . . 
and with the Lord's blessing
turn it into our Home again.

 Hold on tight little one.
It's a bumpy ride.

 .. but often not without shedding many tears

  New littles were born
to olde littles  
( my baby sis' first )

 My beautiful sweet chickies had to find new everyday
stomping grounds. . . which im still not happy about . .
since i don't get to see them as much. . with more space to roam.

 It is very sad that we often do not know what we have
. . until it's gone.

  a new very olde hearth 
which has seen countless families . . and fires and wood . . and boots

 Get it together girl

Pick yourself up.
Dust yourself off
. . .
and start all OVER.
.. . again.

 My new "warming comforting" drink
half water half milk 
a teaspoon or so of coconut oil ( your skin will thank you )
a teaspoon or so of whatever sweetener you prefer
warm up to very hot
sprinkle muchly with fresh nutmeg and cinnamon and sugar

it rather tastes like eggnog
and is quite cozy

 This is what we left the familiar heartbeat of the city for.
. . wild tall grass.
long walks past not much of anything in particular but all lovely and fresh
fallen leaves that we don't have to ever rake again 
since now we just hop on a tractor and turn them into mulch for the 
most beautiful lime green grass you've ever seen.

So far im finding it overwhelming to 
even try and settle into a place that still needs
more care then we have time or means to give it.. . .but 
with much outside help  ( thank you forever and ever dad )
and my kindest sweetest husbands nightly efforts despite working full time 
and being the best dad in the world whilst doing heavy renovations every tired hour he gets ) 
it is. . . s l o w l y  feeling more familiar and more like a place we belong.

     It is all . . . the moving. .
the losing of a pet you thought would grow very olde before they were suddenly gone.
The quiet sleepy new babies amidst my less sleeping swirling whirling days
The constant, very real acts of love from family and friends that never stops giving
and sacrificing.

is all . . so good 
at reminding me 

that we do not belong here. . . for long.
only for as long as the Lord wills.

and then
when He is ready
we will go home

and we don't have to fix it first
or lose anything in the move
or miss.. . anything.

we will be HOME home.

and that will be ALL.

 im trying to let go.

but it's NOT easy.


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Friday, May 31, 2013

oh... when you put it that way. . . . still no.

if we were meant to be so busy.. . . 

then . . . 

whatever. . 



S L O W 

D O W N 



. . and then. . . this that and the other. . 

and i was tired..

but little you wanted to make muffins.

so we did. 

and it was fun and yummy in the end. .


O l d e  W h i t e 


g o o d

 if you haven't tried Trader Jo's California Estate cold pressed extra virgin olive oil
 you must.

it is the bestie best

 .  .. and i learned the hard way once again. . 

to trust my instincts.

 when i grow up. . . i want to be.. 

an artist
a gardener
 a baker
a photographer
a philanthropist 
a clothing designer
an architect
a hippie
a traveler
an extreme sports athlete
a back packer
a shepherdess 
a farmer

a . .  person who rides a horse. . . . . can't think of the .. .

the queen.