Humbled by Cranberry Bread and Other's who've gone before

i just loved this.. . because. . it's true.




so. . today was one of those days
that when you look back was not
nearly as bad as it was in the many moments
when you thought for sure your hair was not
only going to turn white from the stress . . but just plain
fall OUT.
.. . but. . .
also. .
that looking back revealed
to me how much i am in NEED of
God's continual Help and Salvation
for my poor wretched Soul.

i am a mess when i wake up with
any agenda OTHER than my boys.
i am not a good multitasker. i need
copious amounts of time and rest and SPACE
in order to feel able to complete the things
i need to do to the best i am able. . and as a mom
. . that almost NEVER happens!
. . consequently leaving me to make
daily choices between sitting down on the floor
with my baby or trying to prop him up in the bumbo
. again. . . and bake bread. . always risky.

today i chose the later. . after a dose of the former mind you
but still figured i could fit in at least assembling what i needed
before baby would need NEED momma. .
and for the most part this was true.
i bake often with my little's around me and
am used to the chaos whilst struggling to complete something
we hope to eat.
but today was just soooooo against me!
after nap time sneaking up on baby and then being cut
FAR short by big brother followed by momma
kinda losing it. . followed by somanyotherthingsican'trememberbutmostdefinitelydidhappen
. . . i just felt sooooo defeated.
so. .
so. .
. . . and anyway. . it is of course now a matter of me trying to keep calm and
little getting more googly and littlest still happy as a clam. .
but me still unraveling.


later i read a chapter in a book
about dealing rightly with all the little
things that happen in the course of a normal day
with Children.. . that we have to deal with OUR frustrations
responsibly and with forethought or else we take it out
on our little ones in the moments when they are
annoying us or did actually do something wrong. . but not
something so deserving of the type of berating we
just dished out.

our children are not situations. . they are
individuals.
they don't deserve to be the dumping grounds
for our frustrations.

all this seems more jumbled then i wanted it to be but it's the best i got
at this late hour.

my boys are my love. . and although there are many
things i wish i could accomplish in addition to
having wee little ones. . most often those things
get put back back back on the shelf of dreams
. . and that's where they belong. .
for now.

in the mean time i shall try harder to lean on Christ's strength and
not my own.


in the end it took over three hours to make this cranberry bread

but it DID get made :)